Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Zodiac Circus

One of my friend sent me a mail with a very fancy subject line : “Horoscope...must read! All signs are So accurate!”

I am a Libran & it had the following to describe me :

“Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not he kind of person you want to mess with... you might end up crying... Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.”

Obviously I was very happy to realize that I am such a nice guy as opposite to the popular convention. I was, probably, more happy thinking that this friend of mine would have definitely read it before forwarding it to me.
But the fact is that I hate horoscopes and the whole astro-prediction set-up. I personally feel that it is a very meticulous effort to fool even the smartest among us in the most sophisticated way by putting the positions of all the different stars and planets ( most of which you wouldn’t even have heard of! ) on the table.

I mean, these so called expert astrologers who use sophisticated computer programs to predict your future and your true nature ( of which even your mother is not sure about! ) are practically unquestionable.

Let me tell you their usual trend or modus operandi. Its not that you have to be an Einstein to see the game plan, but this is only meant to be an eye opener ( for only those of you who are brave enough to accept that they’ve been fooled before ) :

First, they begin with the nicer part of you. They tell you how you are so nice and loving to everybody & how you are going to be a multi-billionaire overnight. And suddenly their eyebrows stretch wide, their tone: slow and monotonous now. And I can bet for all my money that they’ll begin their second phase with a prolonged ‘BUT’.

Now they start with stuff at which they are the experts. They’ll tell you that this bloody Saturn is blocking the holy light coming from Venus and is delaying your promotion. If you don’t go for a ‘GANAPATHI HOMAM’ right now, you may even get fired. And I am damn sure that 80% of us will fall for this bullshit.

I mean, you might be having the best time of your life but this astrologer can wreak havoc upon you. But you can have all your problems solved with a simple Ganapathi homam for just Rs. 5000 ( and mind you that this is a bargain price after 50% off summer bonanza offer! ).

Here are a few suggestions for my ‘less fortunate’ friends:

1. Skip the horoscope page of your weekly magazine. I can bet on myself that what you read for ‘LEO’ this week will be printed for ‘Virgo’ next week: word by word, ditto!

2. Beware of ad-boards and newspaper advertisements which say something like this:

“ 100% results guaranteed. ‘SUDARSHANA CHAKRAM’ for the prosperity of you and your family. See the changes within one week. 100% money back if not satisfied. ”

These are the most spotted ads after the Viagra ads! Make your choice wisely.

3. Funny things apart, all of us are tempted to know more about our future when we are down on confidence in our present. Learn the basic fact of life : “ Future is not fixed, you can decide what happens to you. You write your own destiny.”

No astrologer can tell you when you are gonna die or when you will become the CEO of your company. So better use your brain & don’t fall for these centuries old traps. Don’t wait until you might have to learn it the hard way.

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